Sometimes I NEED to be alone

I am done, and out, and so excited! This afternoon 6 wonderful men (aged far too young looking to work and far too old to actually be doing this as work) came and carried all my shit down the three levels of stairs and out to their truck. And now...

well after I did the sentimental part of leaving your apartment with the roommate...usually I appreciate that part but I didn't feel it that way this time. Basically this was my apartment that I was just nice enough to let my "roommate" stay here. I decorated it all, brought all the furniture, did all the responsibilities. Not trying to talk down, just the truth. So to me, after all that, it was my safe haven, my place of relaxation, my apartment.

And beyond all the moving and packing and planning, I was really looking forward to just a night of resting, catching up on my online life, and just being myself.

well no...tonight was my uncles surprise 40th birthday party. now however much I wanted to to celebrate with him, I just couldn't even find the energy to make conversation with the person sitting next to me. And when ur sitting with people you don't know that well (might have met a few times for short times) or with people you don't find attractive (yes that matters) it just doesn't seem worth it. not to say they are mean, not cool enough, whatever, it just means that at this night I don't want to play the game. It has been a very awesome and amazing month but it has also included a lot of meeting new people, talking to anyone and everyone, spending 24 hours a day with people... and all of that takes a LOT of energy out of me. It's exhausting to me to have to entertain, or make all the decisions, or make plans with other people. I do it...when I need to or when I really want to do something but ALL the time, I don't. and I don't like being forced into it.

This month, has had a lot of that. And I'm tired... I need rebooting, I need some sleep, and I'm going for it.

Have to add though, I absolutely loved meeting all the bloggers this weekend. I am amazed by the people I have already met through this community and can't wait to continue more. Almost sad I'm leaving for the next few months cause I won't be able to continue to be a part of it. I mean, my bookclub is reading my book suggestion. Lol. but really, I can't wait for July to start in 33 minutes but man, I need to gain some sanity tonight. wish me luck!

Michael Jackson

rush, rush, rush and wait. that is what I have just done for the past 48 hours. I was lucky enough to be able to pack the entire apt by myself (whatever roommate) and it's been pack, pack, pack and then "shit" I'm out of tape and the closest store is a 10 minute walk from me, though now that I think Dominicks was closer...go me), so then I've collapsed, taken a little nap and then going. Ironically enough, this situation is very like my work and I love it! How weird?

So yea, I am sitting waiting for the wonderful movers to show up and carry everything I own down to their truck. slightly nervous....I've packed everything as perfectly and safely, and tightly that I can cause it's going into storage for the next 3 months + and I won't see it!!! This is the stuff I get stressed out about.... Just please don't break any pictures! or ruin my books! that's really all I care about, haha.

After that it's being a nomad for the next 3 weeks, rather excited!

As to this month of June, oh yes because if any of you have seen, it is the last day of June. ALREADY! I don't know where it went. I am actually finally able to sit down and process and a Michael Jackson story is on. And I want to watch it! So processing is getting shoved down, I will just sit back and remember a man who made revolutionary music and though had his problems, was one of the greatest icons in my life. I only wish he could have actually felt happy from all his amazing successes and life.

He almost made cute at times... :/

Family Party '09

I've been very busy the past two weeks with numerous family obligations and then a few friend things. and though I call the family things obligations I don't mean them in that type of nuance even a little bit.

The other weekend I went up to my cousins place, which I have known and loved these cousins for years, but have never actually made it to their home. 1) because our grandparents had a wonderful lake house that they always came to every summer (and I always lived there all summer) and 2) because my dad HATES to travel. So ultimately one of my cousins got married in a rather fast wedding and my aunt had a party for him at their house. SO everyone went! and when I say everyone I mean everyone. See my dad's side of the family has not gotten together in years. last time I remember was my grandparents 50th anniversary and at that time I was still wearing an overall jean skirt outfit with a pink flowered shirt. (i was young) But all of my dad's siblings were there and their children, the only sad part was that my dad's parents weren't able to come, but the other grandparents were there! (who weirdly enough LOVE me, but that's a whole nother story). Anyway, their house is absolutely gorgeous with a pool, pool house, screened in porch. stunning! and to top it off their dog had just had 10 puppies! so ultimately it was a fabulous weekend.

The weirdest thing for me was to see how the generations were. Here I was, a 23yo, hanging out with all the adults, able to hold my own and actually enjoying it. Not too mention that all my cousins had their respectable boyfriends or girlfriends, and though I didn't have my own I had my own story of one who had just unfortunately had to close his time with me. And then I was looking at my parents and their generation and then my dad's brother and his close friends and then the grandparents of all and it was so fun to see how different and yet the same everyone is. We are all unique and yet there is that bond that you grew up with someone, or interacted with someone frequently, etc that makes you the same. Families grow and gain new traditions and have new traits and yet somewhere deep down in there u are the same. LIke I love my cousin B, and yet her sister is a mess. And I love my dad with all my heart, as well as his brother, and yet their sister is insane! it's all these intricacies and crazies that interest me when family reunions happen because who knows why all these changes happen.

All I know is I had a great time, puppies, family, and food. As well as congratulations to my very fun cousin Zach and his wonderful new wife Bobbi. You two compliment each other amazingly well and I wish them both the best!

Back to Reality

Man alot of stuff happens when you don't have internet for a long time. I have been sitting in my living room for approximately 4 hours now and only feel like I have just started to put my self back together. Emails, bank/card accounts, bills, class, aahhhhh. haha. I also just spent almost an hour scouring craigslist while "listening" to my lecture...yea haven't heard much of the lecture but I have found a few prospects. and since I care more about where I'm going to live next than performance based design it seems a rather fair trade off for me. now I just need to catch up on my reader. oh and read a book for bookclub monday, though I have to get that book first....where's the library? and finish my current book, and go through my pics from this past week, and do homework. 

Bah! I just need to stop thinking and go do! 

The Craziness is Beginning

• I have decided to stop biting my nails. It's been a horrible habit of mine for my ENTIRE life and I have officially decided that I am sick of it. As of right now I have lasted over a week which is approximately a week more than I have ever lasted in my LIFE! 
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• This article pisses me off! I mean more than I can even express. That there are still men out there who really think this just depresses me beyond belief because it is so untrue. And yet it can be true with BOTH men and women. It all depends on the person, not their freaking gender! I have been in a male dominated profession now for a year, and I went to a college that was mainly men and yes it is hard. But there is no question that I can do everything they do just as well or better in some cases. Argh ignorant people! 
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• Almost related to that, I went to the NFPA conference yesterday and hung out at my company's and WPI's booth and had such a good time. I was so excited to meet new people, and see my coworkers, and I met the owner of my company and he knew who I was! I have this fear that I don't make enough of an impression on people at work cause I can tend to be pretty quiet but yesterday proved to me that I do! which is awesome! not sure if any of that made sense, but that's all I'm giving. 
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• I'm leaving on a jet plane! haha, I'm shipping off to Bonaroo tonight so I will be off the radar for the next few days or so. I can NOT wait to get there and see everyone. I'm only worried about how the heck I am going to charge my phone and camera! cause I will of course be calling everyone I know to make them jealous if they aren't there and taking numerous pictures! Have a good weekend everybody! 

Always carry a Camera

I snapped this picture the other day on my way to meet up with a friend at Montrose beach. I sometimes let myself get distracted by the trivial day to day things and I always love when a gorgeous day like this can remind me why I love living in this beautiful city! To be able to go from a day of beaching it to a night out on the city is the perfect mix!